Something happened, it’s a small thing, but I’m big time triggered.
I know triggered is a contentious word these days, but what other word can I use when something small happens yet my reaction is big?
So here I am triggered, and super conflicted about what, if anything, I should do about the thing that happened.
I won’t tell you what it is because the person involved will likely recognize themselves, and like I said, I don’t know if I want to address it with them.
Also, I’m not sure the details matter. We all experience minor occurrences that leave us twirling in uncertainty. Or at least I hope we do, and it’s not just me.
Okay, so the following are the thoughts that are swirling about in my head creating conflict:
- I don’t want them to be mad at me.
- We’re not close, so why should I take on teaching them proper etiquette?
- I’m afraid of repercussions.
- I’m not confident in my assessment of the situation, and am concerned I’m overreacting.
. . . . .
As I reread what I wrote, I’m surprised at the high level of fear and insecurity I’m experiencing over a happening that I’m dismissing as minor.
And if further truth be told, I never really trusted this person. Not for anything in particular (until now), but if I never say a word to this person again, I wouldn’t miss them, and I doubt they’d notice. We’re in the same circle, but as I mentioned we're not at all close.
Upon even closer reflection, this conflict is not at all about the person or what occurred, but about my relationship with myself, and whether or not I stand by my feelings.
And then clarity sets in…
I’m not going to confront this person, because I don’t trust them, and I don’t value our relationship.
What I am going to do is radically stand by my side. Acknowledge that what happened is 100% not okay with me, and that my reaction to it is 100% appropriate given my life experiences.
That’s what a good friend would do, and I’m learning to be a good friend to me.
Wow. This blog is better than therapy.